Dear Michael,

You made me feel important and honored in your presence, like no one else for that moment mattered to you. You extended your hand to me and squeezed it and caused my heart to flutter with more feelings than I ever knew that I held in my possession.

No one had ever made my knees weaken, my hands tremble, think carefully before expelling each word from my lips. You made me feel worthy and as beautiful, no one had as much effect on me in that respect at the time, as you did.

I've never experienced someone with the eerie ability to steal the coherent thoughts from my mind with a soft, deep gaze. No one else could possibly have made me feel the way you did during those precise moments.

No one living has ever been able to teach me the things that you have instilled in to me for almost my entire life, indirectly. I would never have the morals and morals that I withhold now if it weren't for your influence.

You made me smile and you made me laugh. Your ideas and thoughts and ways of expressing them leave me feeling nothing short of touched. You gave me a little bit of security about myself, and I've seen you as nothing less than a safe-haven for me for so many years.

Your presence seemed to shelter me from all the stupid insecurities I felt as a teenager and young adult that sometimes felt as thought it was *~*dramatically*~* piercing me to the core. You enabled me to drift away, to "xscape", to help me forget everything for a moment and just bask in the bliss of the magic that you created.

You amazed me. I've said it before and I'll continue to say it, hopefully for the rest of my life. Somehow, you manage to uplift me just by the sound of your voice, gracefulness of a move, a gesture, a facial expression or by a spoken word.

You made me understand that I could be whatever I wanted to be if I truly believed I was worthy. You left me feeling as though I could accomplish anything, as though there's no dream too big or too small.

But it turns bittersweet.

Sometimes I felt that you would have been lost without the adulation, though I know you wouldn't be you without the ways that other people were so quick to taunt or tout as strange. I know that you wouldn't never have been happy without the lifestyle in which you've grown accustomed to. But sometimes, I felt like I was (and not only myself alone but also, the hundred thousand others too) more of a hindrance than a help. I feel that maybe one day you could have found normalcy without us.

But I have to believe I'm wrong and that you loved us every bit as much as you told me you did, as you told others you did - as you showed us by inviting us places with you (shopping, award shows, concerts, visiting places) and by taking the time to meet us and give us the time of day that most stars or your caliber wouldn't think to.

You have helped so many of us in so many ways and you will never ever get a chance to know exactly how much. The fact that you remain unacknowledged for the time you spend helping others, really pierces me and hurts me as it probably did, you. The fact that you were constantly the brunt of every joke, every weak pun makes my blood boil. The fact that people kept accusing you of hurting them, physically, mentally and emotionally always hurt me as much as I am sure it did, you.

I hated the name-dropping, the name-calling. I hate that you were hurt, used, ridiculed, dismissed, abused, unloved and not recognized for the heart that you seemed to be wearing upon your sleeve. I hated that I couldn't stop it and I sometimes hate that I care so much.

Michael, I hope truly that people will see you for what you truly were rather than what they conceived you to be at the hands of entertainment. I hope they will find out about all the incredibly kind things you did for us, the fans, about the millions of undocumented money you gave away to charity without public attention. I pray Michael, that the world will see you without the ironic rose-coloured glasses that has jaded them about you for so many years. It is my hope that your life will be justly celebrated and once again that you will unify your thousands of supporters one last time.

Was it too much to take? It was time to go, Michael, God called for you -- a little earlier than we all anticipated, but it's time and I'm trying not to let myself be so consumed by grief that I am unable to celebrate your life and praise God for all that you did.

I suppose it was your last and final heartache. So you are now closer to the ever glorious Kingdom of Heaven, and you are surrounded by all the angels and saints who have been dearly watching over you and keeping you the dignified, honest man that you have always been. Watch over your children as we pray for them daily.

Michael, I will praise God that I was lucky enough to be able to tell you about what a wonder you were in my life, but I am unsure you were truly able to fathom how much your influence in my life helped me. I need you to know that I never ever expected to feel such a sense of love as I did in that when I met you, that you moved me, and made me feel like I could do anything. And Michael? You made it easy for me to remember the happiest day of my entire life.

I will never forget the last words you ever spoke to me the last time I saw you just a few years ago. I told you I loved you and that I was praying for you - that I would always see you through. And with a slight smile on your face while you squeezed my hand tightly, you said, "God bless you, thank you, I love you too."

And Michael? Nothing has changed, I am still praying for you - I am praying for you every single day.

I'll always, always have a special place for you in my heart.

You're beautiful, wonderful, incredible. I love you so.
 

~Jessica Teni